Jul 10, 2005
Good evening. And welcome to everyone who is joining us on the Internet.
You know, last week I said, you know, if you want to feel bad because you’re moving slowly in your process of Awakening, or if you’re feeling guilty for not trying hard enough, if you’re feeling as though you’re doomed to failure because you’ve been trying to know the Truth for years to discover it and look where you are, I said if you want to feel bad because of those things, go ahead. But I want to reaffirm that every intent you feel that you enliven within yourself to see the more of Reality that is present than what you’re presently seeing, you’re doing well. Because you are doing what? You are providing what I’m going to call the mental environment—your mental environment—you’re providing the environment in which discovery and realization can occur. You’re providing the environment in which a sudden shift of perception can occur.
And I want to remind you of something. You exist by Grace—not by anything you do or don’t do. You will wake up by Grace and you will experience healing by Grace. You may provide the environment in which Grace can register with you, but you can’t be responsible for the healing or the Awakening.
And if you on your own can’t be responsible for it, then there’s nothing to feel bad about if you haven’t experienced it yet. Feeling bad about things, feeling guilty about things is part of the human condition. And what I mean by that is that it’s part of the frame of reference that everyone is in who has said, “Father, I’d rather define it myself. Father, I’d rather do it my way,” and then proceeded to try to do it. The impossible is being attempted. It can’t be accomplished. Down deep every single one of you knows it, and you feel foolish for trying it. You cover it up, but it’s there. You know it can’t be done.
Because you feel vulnerable in that independent, so-called independent state, you recognize that something is wrong—and I mean by that out of kilter, out-of-sync. And wrong is bad, and therefore you must be guilty for doing something wrong. No. It doesn’t call for guilt. Being out-of-sync with things isn’t something you will be punished for. It’s an experience that simply needs to be abandoned. That’s all it means. You’re doing something that can’t be done—abandon the attempt. As long as you don’t abandon the attempt, you will feel vulnerable, you will feel uneasy, you will feel the out-of-sync-ness.
And so I encourage you all to forget about feeling guilty, to forget about feeling bad, to stop thinking that you know how much better you ought to be doing—and just energetically, enthusiastically engage your curiosity about each and every thing you’re confronted with. “Father, I would like to see the more of What You’re Being right there, right there, right there, than what I’m seeing.” That invitation is a desire. Even if initially you think that desire is pure foolishness, it is a desire that nurtures or makes a nurturing environment for the light bulbs to go on, for the “Aha’s” to occur, for insight and revelation to take place. So lighten up. Lighten up but persist in the curiosity.
Lighten up so that persisting in the curiosity becomes a fun experience—not a heavy duty one in which you’re attempting to overcome all the sins you’ve engaged in by trying to do things all by yourself. You’ve engaged in doing nothing! You’ve engaged yourself in accomplishing nothing. No sin has occurred. No punishable sin has occurred. It is possible for you to imagine you’ve done something wrong, but it’s not possible to do something wrong, because Reality cannot be altered from What It Is—and it is a Singularity, not a polarized oppositional environment. So I’m encouraging you to stop engaging in self-judgment and self-criticism. Grace occurs when you’re not expecting it. Grace does not occur by a decision you make. Transformation and healing are inevitable because of What You Divinely Are.
You know, we talked a couple of weeks ago about the only sure things are death and taxes. Well, that’s not true. The only sure thing is that you will wake up. The only sure thing is that you will remember Who You Are, because you cannot totally forget Who You Are and you cannot secure your place in an illusory sense of self forever. Remember that.
Let’s go to the book.
In the Sparkly Book.
God and the Ego1
Either God or the ego is insane. If you will examine the evidence on both sides fairly, you will realize that this must be true. Neither God nor the ego proposes a partial thought system.
I want you to consider this image. You all look around you at your world through two eyes, and as a result you see a three-dimensional image. Everything you see is affected by, or your perception of everything you see is affected by the fact that you’re looking with two eyes. Now let’s say that you said, “I’d rather see it a different way,” and so you took your hand and you covered up one of your eyes, or you got a patch and put it over one of your eyes, and now you’re looking at everything, same thing you were always looking at before, but now all you’re seeing is a two-dimensional image—flat, no sense of depth. And everything you see, your perception of everything will be absolutely governed by the fact that you’re only looking at it with one eye.
When it says, “Neither God nor the ego proposes a partial thought system,” it means that, like with your vision, whether you’re looking with two eyes or one eye, absolutely everything that you experience visually is totally affected by the choice of the way you’re going to look at it—with two eyes or one eye. I mentioned recently that from the vantage point of the ego, everything is a singularity—just as from the vantage point of God, everything is a Singularity—and this is just a reaffirmation of that.
Now waking up is rather like somebody saying to you, “Open up your other eye.” “Other eye?” You see, you’ve been looking with only one of your eyes for so long you’ve forgotten that you have another eye. “Well, another eye? Open my other eye? I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
Well, experiment a little bit. Squinch your face around and see if you can make some other part of your face do something you haven’t let it do for a long time. In other words, have a little curiosity. Explore a little bit. Have some fun venturing into an activity that you haven’t ventured into for a long time. You see? So that instead of looking at things [laughing] with a private eye, you might look joined with another eye.
Neither God nor the ego proposes a partial thought system. Each is internally consistent…
… and I’m going to add: And total …
… but they are diametrically opposed in all respects, so that partial allegiance is impossible. Remember, too, that their results are as different as their foundations, and their fundamentally irreconcilable natures CANNOT be reconciled by your vacillations.
You can’t dance a jig good enough to make the two one. You don’t have enough mental agility to bring the two together.
Nothing alive is fatherless, for life is creation. Therefore, your decision is always an answer to the question, “Who is my father?”
Remember that the god of sickness is a capacity you think you have to choose which God/god is Real/real—God or the likenesses of God you have made-up. When you bow down to the likenesses of God that you have made-up by redefining What God Is Being, you are exercising a capacity you think you have to see things independent of the Father, even though [laughing] it’s All That The Father Is Being that you’re give new definitions to. You see, [small laugh] you say, “But, Father, I’d rather do it on my own,” but you don’t have anything to work on, on your own. So you deny the Father, while at the same time redefining the Father. Now that is called “a split mind” in the sense that you are denying God by using What God Is to accomplish the denial. That’s not independence at all. It’s a confused mind. You see?
You’re still fixated on God even though you’re saying, “God, I don’t want to have anything to do with You.” So you apply a little bit of torque, a little bit of bias, to your experience of What God Is Being, and so that you can say, “You see? What I’m seeing is not God.” But what you’re looking at and saying, “It’s not God,” is just a distorted perception of what? God. There’s no independence or separate activity there. There’s just insanity.
Now what good does it do to know that? The good it does is that it helps you to realize that all the time you’re working so hard to come back Home, you are working with the fundamental raw materials of Creation, with a capital “C”—meaning that all you’re doing is learning to look at things without applying your bias to it. You’re looking at the Presence of God that you don’t think is God, and you’re saying, “God, I want to see You there.” What this means is that you haven’t managed to create a false creation somewhere other than Where God Is that would make it rather difficult to get back to Where The Father Is, to get to this other Universe or this other Dimension Where God Is, instead of this dimension you have created.
You’re right in the middle of the Kingdom of Heaven with constant opportunity to discover the Kingdom of Heaven right in front of you where it’s always been. You’re already Home, in other words. This is the reason it helps to know this. Because it’s not off in the future and it’s not off in another dimension—it’s right here. All the materials that you have to work with are God Materials. All of them are the Presence of God. That’s how close God is and that’s how close you are to God.
And even you are not the definition you have made-up about yourself. You are the Expression of God. So every single one of you is in the best possible position you could be. You’re already Home. You are neither behind the Point of Perfection nor advancing toward it. And all it calls for you to do is to pay attention from that standpoint with curiosity that understands that there isn’t a whole lot to be accomplished—just a shift of perception.
Since the whole mess was established by or apparently established by a decision you made to see things independent of the Father, and it resulted in effect by your getting a divorce from your Father and standing as an orphan, it stands to reason that your waking up, your coming back Home, will always rest on and proceed from your decision to know the answer to the question, “Who is my Father?”—because that’s the way you undo the divorce. And that’s the way you undo your amnesia about your Identity. Because the moment you invite the Father back in with an acknowledgement that you have a Father, you immediately lay the groundwork for your experiencing yourself as the Father’s Offspring, which is your Identity, in which lies your Sanity and the end of your confusion.
The key to Awakening, therefore, lies in the simple question, “Who is my Father?”
Therefore, your decision is always an answer to the question, “Who is my father?” And you will be faithful to the father you choose.
This would imply that since the chapter is entitled, “GOD AND THE EGO” or “GOD OR THE EGO,” that they represent two fathers, and you will serve one or the other.
Yet what would you say to someone who really believed this question involves conflict?
That question sort of jumps out from left field, doesn’t it? Why would it say that? Why would that question be asked at this point?
Yet what would you say to someone who really believed this question involves conflict?
Well, you do think there’s conflict, because you think there really is an ego and you think there really is a God. And you think that they really are opposed to each other, and they really are two actual presences at odds with each other. After all, you are serving one or the other. You’re giving your allegiance to one or the other. You have a preference for one or the other. So you do think there’s conflict.
Yet what would you say to someone who really believed this question involves conflict?
Well, if you are not coming from a separated place, you would say to that one, “It’s impossible for there to be conflict between Something and nothing.” God is the capital “S” Something That Is All. And the ego is an imagination you came up with that isn’t real, and has no existence except as a spurious thought. And even though you have been letting this spurious thought be the foundation for your perception of the world and for your experience, it doesn’t exist and the way you’ve been experiencing the world has been pure illusion. There can’t be conflict between Something and nothing. You see?
If YOU made the ego, how can the ego have made you?
Well, it’s not really too difficult to answer that question, believe it or not. I’m going to start out by saying that when you are awake, you don’t think. You don’t go through evaluative processes. You don’t go through processes of logic. You don’t make assessments of the Only Thing There Is to think about or have assessments of—which is Creation. You are not holding yourself apart from it and you are totally at one with it. And you stand in constant awe of it, in constant wonder at it. And when you stand in wonder at it, you are, for lack of better words, having an unboundaried Experience of Joy and Bliss, because you are experiencing All of Creation without distance between you and it. You and it are One.
And you recognizing What It Is—there are not better words than this—experience Awe, experience a Fullness of Joy that I can best describe as something which comes over you and consumes you and fills you until it is the All of You of your Conscious Experience. And there’s no time or inclination to think about the experience. It is Whole. The Infinity and Eternality of Creation is totally available to you and constitutes your Conscious Experience. You and Creation, you and your Brothers and Sisters are not separated in any way, even though you are all eternally distinct. And you don’t need to think. You don’t need to have language to talk with them, to communicate with them, because the Communion of the Singularity of Creation is Total and Now for you.
Now, the minute you have a thought, the minute you do say, “I wonder how this would look if I stood a little bit to the left, or stood back a little bit, or narrowed down my range of vision so that I wasn’t taking in the whole thing. What would it look like if I looked at it in a different way?”—that’s a thought—a thought which apparently you could act upon. And it’s a thought that all of you did act upon. And it led to other thoughts.
Once you had torqued or biased your perception of Creation, it made you ask more questions. And before long, you thought to say, “Well, I wonder who’s asking these questions?”—because asking questions and having thoughts, not being part of Reality, never had been part of your experience. And so you said, “Wow! There must be a thinker here.” You see? “And that thinker must be me! That means I’m something.”
But mind you, these are just thoughts being put together in an apparently intelligent and logical way so that the togetherness of it seems to state the presence of something actual. Well, because the thoughts aren’t you, then the thought that says, “There must be a thinker here and the thinker must be me,” that thought still isn’t you. Stay with me here. But if you believe the thought, you will proceed forward on that basis and be lost, because you will have taken the bait of the illusion and succumbed to it.
What happens when you take the bait is you take this imaginatively created sense of self as a fact, and you make a god of it, and you begin to serve it, even though, as I’ve been saying, it’s nothing more than a hypothesis. It’s just an imagination which ultimately makes no sense whatsoever. What you make a god of, you begin to serve. And you’ve been very happy to serve your ego for a long time, because it’s thrilling and invigorating and scary as hell.
And it keeps you feeling alive because you’re constantly having to overcome … [small laugh] I’m going to say you’re constantly having to overcome the tendency to realize that all of what is happening in that frame of mind is unreal, so that you can step back from the point where you took the bait of the idea that because there was someone thinking, there must be a thinker and that thinker must be you. You need to step back from that.
And literally, one of the most effect ways to step back from that thought is to move out of the arena of thinking which you do by meditating, so that you have the opportunity through truly meditating to find out that Consciousness and thinking are not equivalents. They are not one and the same thing—that when no thought is going on, you still are Conscious. A better way of putting it is that you experience the fact that you are Consciousness, or Consciousness is What You Are—Mind.
The authority problem remains the only source of perceived conflict, because the ego was made out of the wish of God’s Son to father Him.
In other words, God.
You see, that was the meaning of blasphemy that we talked about last week—your claiming the capacity to be equal to God.
… the ego was made out of the wish of God’s Son to father Him.
Well, it’s worked pretty well. I mean it certainly is believed that that is possible. Sociologists and students of religion, historically speaking, many of them who do not have a belief in God, are able to look at mankind and see that man has created God for himself out of some great deep need. The connection with God has been so completely forgotten, because it has been so completely ignored that it actually has become possible for a large number of people on your planet to believe that God is nothing but a religious belief that makes everyone feel more comfortable in the human condition and gives them the means to cope with the human condition as long as they’re in it. You see?
The ego, then, is nothing more than a delusional system, in which you made your own father. Make no mistake about this. It sounds insane when it is stated with perfect honesty, but the ego never looks upon what it does with perfect honesty. Yet that IS its insane premise, which is carefully hidden in the dark cornerstone of its thought system.
Why all the attempts to achieve? Why all the attempts to be successful? Why all the attempts to become something or become more? Because there’s an innate Knowing that all of you have that of yourself you are nothing. But you don’t want to look at that, and so you cover that clarity, that Sanity, up in the darkest recess, the furthest out of sight. And then you put all of your energy into proving that it’s not true, into proving that you can become something, in proving that you can authorize things.
Well, who are you going to prove it to? You can only prove it to other people who are in the same state of mind. And so life becomes a process of coercing everyone into seeing you the way you want them to see you—to see you for who you want yourself to be. And existence is a matter of ongoing manipulation in an attempt to establish mutual agreements about what, primarily? About who you are.
And as long as you do that, you never allow yourself to get to the Fundamental Kernel of Truth that’s hidden away in the dark recesses of your mind, covered up—that you of yourself can do nothing, that you of yourself do not exist. But you do exist, and therefore you exist because of Something. You are the Expression of Something. You are the Son of Something. Therefore, you have a Father. There is a Source, and you’re not It.
And because you are not It, but It is All There Is of you, you need do nothing to become. You need do nothing to accomplish. You need do nothing to be a success. And you need not engage in the coercion of your Brothers and Sisters to arrive at mutual-agreed-upon definitions of you. And then allow yourself to succumb to and abide in that Kernel of Truth that was hidden away in the dark recess, and just be. And in the absence of the struggle to become, find the Fullness and Wholeness of You uncovered to you once again, because you’re not busy denying it by struggling at becoming.
The ego, then, is nothing more than a delusional system…
… a fantasy …
… in which you made your own father. Make no mistake about this. It sounds insane when it is stated with perfect honesty, but the ego never looks upon what it does with perfect honesty. Yet that IS its insane premise, which is carefully hidden in the dark cornerstone of its thought system. And either the ego, which you made, IS your father, or its whole thought system will not stand.
Awakening is the process of discovering that it will not stand and letting it collapse, leaving you empty of all the definitions you have come up with to attempt to give meaning to your existence so that you might demonstrate your independent actuality.
As I’ve said before, in the absence of those definitions, you will have a temporary transitional experience of meaninglessness, because as what you’ve been familiar with is released and you’re no longer looking at it, and it no longer seems to be available to you because you’re not energizing it, you are confronted with that which doesn’t seem familiar to you and isn’t making total sense to you yet. It’s God. It’s Reality. It’s What Everything Really Is. And you must be willing to abide there as your eyes, we will say, adjust to the new view. And you must abide with it long enough for it to begin to once again make sense to you. And I must say that so that when you have these experiences of, “Wow. Nothing I see means anything,” you will abide with it, instead of recoil from it and once again reengage your thinking processes.
“Wow. Nothing means anything, at least not according to any of the definitions I’ve ever had. But I’m willing to sit here and pay attention, because I remember Raj said that every Part of Creation has the capacity to communicate Its Meaning to me and to everything. And Its Meaning is the Meaning the Father has set into place by being the Movement of Creation. So the Presence of God there in that thing, has the means of communicating What It Means (What It Is) to All of Creation throughout Infinity, so that everyone who is Awake, and is not experiencing any tiny isolation, will have the full experience of the Meaning of that thing along with every other thing, and in that experience have what I will carefully call “The Experience of the Wholeness of You”—the one experiencing it all.
I know some of you have a feeling at times that what I’m sharing doesn’t have any relevance to everyday life. And you can’t figure out how to apply it to everyday life. What you’re calling “everyday life” is really your best perceptions of what’s going on around you; perceptions that are arising out of a false experience of your being independent, separate, tiny and vulnerable. And yes, what I am saying doesn’t really have relevance to those definitions, those filters through which you are looking at everything and seeing Creation incorrectly or falsely. It is good to realize that there isn’t a relevance between Reality and your misperceptions of Reality. The Experience of Truth is not a tool that you can bring into your false perception of things and manipulate the perception around so that it’s pleasant.
Again, going back to the beginning.
Neither God nor the ego proposes a partial thought system. Each is internally consistent, but they are diametrically opposed in all respects, so that partial allegiance is impossible. Remember, too, that their results are as different as their foundations, and their fundamentally irreconcilable natures CANNOT be reconciled by your vacillations.
Or by your mental manipulations.
Now I’m going to tell you something. When you reach for the Truth, when you ask of the Father or the Holy Spirit to be illuminated by What Is Real and the illumination comes and you feel bliss and you feel whole, and you are not filled with fear even if the circumstances which drove you to reach to the Holy Spirit haven’t changed, you have been moved into a place that you should hold onto with great love and appreciation and valuing—even if from the warrior-mentality or from the old ego-standpoint that’s looking for a way to change the human condition, nothing has changed. You cannot afford to take the bait, so to speak—to go into bliss or go into your peace so that you may bring your peace back into the illusion, into the misperceptions and accomplish something with it. That’s not what it’s about. You must hold onto the Experience of Wholeness that you’re having. Hold onto it by continuing to give your attention to it. And from Its Place, move in the world. That’s called “being in the world, but not of it.” That’s called “be.” And by being heal the sick.
The dream will not improve by dissolving unless you insist upon desiring of the Holy Spirit, or your Guide, or the Father, to have the Conscious Experience of Truth and of Reality, and then holding fast to it (the experience), holding fast to the ongoing Connection with the Holy Spirit where sudden shifts of perception can continue to increasingly occur. If you stay there, the human condition will report back to you changes, improvements, healing. And you will begin to see things more consistently as They Truly Divinely Are.
The ego is a hypothesis—an imagination. And the ego as what you are and your belief that it is what you are is also a hypothesis—a mad idea, a crazy idea—an idea that has no substance or Truth to it. And you cannot move into the Conscious Experience of Truth and somehow bring That Which Is Irreconcilable with a mad idea, back into the mad idea’s territory and make the mad idea less mad. You see, you say, “Oh, I want to crawl out of the crab barrel. I want to get out of all this confusion, and all of this confinement, and all of this tininess, and all of this struggling to get to the top. I want to get out so that I can go get the good news and bring it back.” Well, let me tell you something. When the crab gets out of the barrel, it can’t bring all of the space and all of the freedom and all of the lack of conflict from outside the barrel back into the barrel, because the barrel is a confined space. It is a space that can’t hold all of everything else, all of the absence of conflict and struggle and strife.
And even if you could bring back a little bit of it, all of the other crabs in the barrel would be still saying, “Don’t bother me with that crap. I have got to get past Henry here because he’s between me and the top of the barrel. And that’s what I … if you can tell me how to do that, I’ll listen to you.” And you say, “Well, gee whiz. While I was out of the barrel and I was experiencing unimaginable things, I never did hear anything about how to get past Henry,”—because being out of the barrel doesn’t have anything to with being in the barrel. The Truth doesn’t have anything to do with illusion. The Movement of Creation which is Real and the Energy of Spirit that constitutes every Manifestation of Creation Infinitely is not a hypothesis—it’s actual. It’s the Conscious Experience of Reality. And what’s actual can’t interface in any way with that which is hypothetical.
So what am I saying to you? I’m saying, “Stop being frustrated,” if you’re getting something out of what I’m saying, but you’re frustrated because you can’t relate it to your immediate human condition; because there ain’t no human-condition-as-such—there is just the Kingdom of Heaven being perceived by you through a sieve. What I called last week your “designer problem,” your “designer distresses,” your “designer glasses” that give the most incredible distortions, the most incredibly fascinating distortions—oh, that can occupy you for hours, trying to get it straightened out, making sense out of it, so you can be at peace. You see?
You have given definitions to your circumstances, but the definitions are hypotheses that provide a little bit of distress. When you take a rod of steel and you twist it and you cause a little torque to occur, the word that is used for that is “distress.” The metal is being distressed. And when you apply distress—a designer distress, a distress that is absolute for you—“If she says that to me one more time, I will hit the roof! I will leave her!”—well, there’s your design and that’s your “designer distress.” And you know what? The word that could send you through the roof could be “popcorn.” [audience laughter] You’re getting the feel for it.
Because you’re in the middle of one thing only, the Kingdom of Heaven, which is a Singularity—which means there are no polarities; there is no polarization; there is no conflict; there is only Perfect, Infinite Unity. Your willingness to turn to the Holy Spirit to have the True Experience of Reality revealed to you is going to cause you to see the only thing that’s in front of you more clearly for What It Is, which isn’t going to have anything to do with the “designer perception” that you have developed and apply to the Kingdom of Heaven.
And so improvement, healing, regeneration and redemption of experience is going to occur, but not because you’ve been able to bring some of Infinity back into the limitations of the crab barrel and work things around, manipulate things around, so that there’s more room and more freedom, and everyone knows that they do not have to get past Henry to become something. Ultimately everyone will abandon the barrel. And the barrel will sit empty, without any confinement associated with it, without any activity going on in it of stress and distress, suffering and becoming, and proving oneself, and demonstrating that oneself is real, and all that accompanies being an orphan.
Nothing alive is fatherless, for life is creation.
The Movement—the Infinite Movement of Being—God.
Therefore, your decision is always an answer to the question…
This is no matter what decision you make—whether you’re going to still try to get past Henry, or whether you’re going to climb out of the barrel entirely, [or] whether you’re going to try to bring back what was outside the barrel into the barrel, or whether you’re going to permanently stay outside of the barrel—any of these decisions.
… your decision is always an answer to the question, “Who is my father?” And you will be faithful to the father you choose.
So, you won’t go out, like onto a high mountain, and reconnoiter with God and then take what you have gathered from God back into your dream, back into your private sense of yourself to use on your Brothers and Sisters for their good through coercion, manipulation, to make things better for them, because you love them. Because all that will amount to is you as an ego, as a warrior, attempting to do something so much better than everyone else that everyone else benefits and will recognize your value and say to you, “We adore you. We honor you. We know you are a meaningful Presence, so much more meaningful than us. And we want to become your students. And we want you to teach us how to be like you. We want to join with you, and be like you, and be with you, and for you to be with us. We want to have ‘a holy relationship.’” And I do mean that sarcastically. And I do mean that as a wake-up call to all of you who misunderstand the meaning of the term “holy relationship” as it’s used in the Course. And I will have more to say about that at another time. Let that be a little seed planted.
I will just say, as a last word today, holy relationships are not a means of proving that you are meaningful. Better relationships than you’ve ever had before, based upon Knowledge of God and Knowledge of Truth brought to bear in a human relationship between two individuals still independent from God, does not constitute anything worth achieving, even if it’s called “the nurturing of a holy relationship.” I mean the guy trying to get past Henry, will not be a better crab—by virtue of having a holy relationship with Henry where there’s no more strife between he and Henry—when they’re both still in the crab barrel and aren’t interested in getting out.
I will stop there.
I love you all.
And I’m just going to say no matter what you think, you’re not in the crab barrel. [audience laughter] And you don’t have to get past Henry, or Henrietta. And you don’t have to change a g—d—- thing in the crab barrel, because the crab barrel is an unnatural, and not even actual, environment.
I look forward to being with you all next week.
T10 Introduction ↩︎